Lost Season 1 Recap - the whole darn thing.

**Ed. note - This has been a running draft at random points over the past 9 weeks. It may even include some accidental references to parts in Season 2, but I think I cleaned up this hack's work pretty well. As for the random jumping nature of the narrative, tough luck. Lastly, there was a heated debate as to whether or not this should be split into multiple posts. That debate was ended when I decided it would be too much work and only crazy people would be reading past this note.

LOST Season 1: Complete!

After a more than brief hiatus, (did you know newborns are a lot of work?) I'm back with a vengeance! And I did it! I have made it through Season 1 of this fever dream of a show. I am disappointed. And hooked, at least a bit.

Season 1, when broken out by Netflix, is 24 episodes. My last post was around halfway through the season. Somewhere in there, they lost (heh) the plot. I would have given up on this show somewhere around episode 15 if it were on only once a week. They managed to provide a back story (with a twist!) for all of our heroes. Then they provided a second view on most of our heroes (with a bonus twist!) This was nearly 3 season's worth of character histories and twists, and NO PLOT!

The name of the show is LOST. If you are LOST, you try and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. The writers seem to have forgotten about that for a dozen episodes. 1 person, just 1, gets the idea to build a raft and try and go somewhere. After Sayid's attempts to figure out a radio failed, everyone just kind of settled in forever? Come on. They make a point to say there are 40 people on the island, and 30 of them are just glad to finally get a vacation?

Once I got past that, I realized they were busy introducing another 11 possible plot elements. There's enough here to make no sense for a long time. So, before I get in to Season 2, I'm going to break down everything I've learned so far, and then make my best possible predictions. Ready? Go.

In a suit, no less

"Plot" Elements

• There was a plane crash, with at least 40 survivors
• There could be more from the back half of the plane. We stopped caring about that around episode 7. Surely they'll show up in a few episodes.
• There are other people/things already on the island.
• One is a psychoFrenchlady - Danielle Rousseau
• There "The Others", who don't really get introduced until the closing episodes. They may be smoke monsters. They may be hobo pirates. We don't really know.
• There is an invisible T-Rex/"Security System"
• Also the occasional polar bear.
• There is a series of Numbers that might start tying everything together, or might just be messing with people.
• 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. We know that they all flew on flight 815 from gate 23.
• There is a Hatch with no handles. It might be something more than increasingly frustrating for Locke.
• The Black Rock is actually a ship (ok, I liked this one). The Black Smoke Pillar is actually just a torch (this was extra dumb).

Main Characters

In a suit, no less

Jack Shepard (Dr. J) - He was a surgeon, and now he's the leader. Has a problem "letting go", especially of people dying. Had an alcoholic Dr. Dad who apparently ruined Jack's life a few times. Jack was married to a former patient, but now he's not. Likes Kate, dislikes Sawyer. Is willing to do whatever he thinks is necessary to have things go his way. Definitely straddles the sanity line, but only if he's the focus of that part of the story.

Prediction: This is all a dream of his, and he's a patient in a rubber room in a psych ward.

Thankfully, not in a suit

Kate Austen (The Hot one) - Kate was apparently a master criminal who's just misunderstood (by the laws she's breaking). Her contract has some reason to get her down to her underpants at least once out of every 8 episodes. She had a boyfriend that she used (and shot) to get something from an old boyfriend that she used (and got shot). She's willing to use just about anyone and anything to get what she wants, but she's also kind of a good person? She had a sick mother who was terrified of her for some reason. We really don't know what Kate wants out of life (except to be free!)

Prediction: We find out she's an adrenaline junkie who hung out with the wrong crowd in high school, stole a pack of smokes one day, and became a fugitive of escalating crimes until she crash landed on the Island. Basically, LOST is 1 big PSA against petty larceny.

Too smooth to not be in a suit

James "Sawyer" Ford (Man Purse) - An ornery Tennessean con man who's just misunderstood. Wants revenge on the con man that caused his dad to kill his mom (and then himself). Has already killed one guy under the wrong pretenses. Hates the T-1000 that set him up to do that.

He was trying to con him into killing Sarah Connor

Sawyer apparently scavenged everything off of the plane that people would want or need at a moment's notice. Is a nice guy at heart. Met Jack's Dad, and shared his Redemption Song (which he sings on the raft). Also, the glasses Sayid made for him are fantastic and underutilized. 

Prediction: We find out he's the con man that conned his dad by conning his mom, and that his real name is Oedipus.

The only time he isn't made to look like a grungy bad guy

Sayid...something. (Sayid) - The Iraqi ex-Soldier who is frequently misunderstood because he's not white. He is a sadomasochist. He has a long lost love that he helped escape from execution, after he tortures her for a while. He has a new flame for Shannon, because she's tortured (emotionally). He's also befriended the crazy Frenchwoman because she tortured him. Also he agrees to torture Sawyer and Locke for information. He can fix or create anything electronic, but he can't do much with it once he does. He sold out his former friend who was so psychologically tortured that he killed himself, because Sayid wouldn't kill himself with him. Eeeexactly.

Prediction: Convinces Shannon to torture him. Tortures himself after she dies. Gets left behind because of all the torture.

My son has the same look when he finds his toes

John Locke (Prof. X) - DON'T TELL HIM WHAT HE CAN'T DO! Was in a wheelchair at one point, but doesn't need it on the island, unless he does. Got conned out of a kidney by his parents? Apparently wins at Survivor. Also knows everything about everyone whenever he wants. He's able to cure any problem anyone has. Only see him afraid once, when he runs into the T-Rex at the end of the season. He promptly gets over it and wants to hang out with it until Dr. J pulls him away. He's obsessed with The Hatch, and thinks the Island has a plan for everything, including potentially killing everyone.

Prediction: Finds Magneto, summons the X-Men, and makes the next 5 seasons even more awesome.

Serious Prediction: Progressively becomes the religious side of the "faith vs science" fight to explain and solve the island, that will eventually split the cast in two for a season. Then he'll somehow die to save everyone else, converting Dr. J to the religion side of the fight.

Dude, this as close to a suit as he's gonna get

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (Hurley) - Dude. Hurley is a big kid, who discovered The Numbers. He used them to win the lottery, and then he's brought only "bad luck" to everyone he's near. By bad luck, I mean a literal touch of death. He believes the plane crashed because of this. I don't necessarily disagree. Discovers The Numbers on the side of The Hatch. Also discovers that Kate's bounty was $23,000, so somehow that's cursed. Is abundantly loveable at all times, except when he's extremely Numbers crazy.

Prediction:  Hurley is Mr. Snuffleupagus.

This episode of Lost was brought to you by the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and by the letter 42

"I made this, because I'm the only one who doesn't like it here."

Michael Dawson (Bad Dad) - On top of being the only non-white aside from Sayid, he's also the dad of Walter "Walt", and the only one with an actual attempt to be rescued. If there was any main character marked for death, it's this guy.

Prediction: Dooooooooooomed. He dies heroically saving Walt, leaving him with some cliche'd proverb like "Always look both ways Walt! It'll be okay!", while flying the only plane on the Island into the secret military base of zombies, saving everyone, but keeping them trapped on the Island for another 2 seasons.

It's a comb...right Dad?

Walter "Walt" (The Shining) - Walt is an obnoxious pain in the ass with completely random Shining powers, and the future-telling comic book from Heroes. He's super spiteful because he was abandoned, doesn't believe that Bad Dad is his father, is trapped on an Island with a dog and no kids, and no one thinks he can do anything. And that's with good reason - IT'S BECAUSE HE'S A KID! He's also kidnapped by what we assume are The Others. Good. Stay there. Except this allows him to randomly haunt people just to make even more no sense.

Prediction: I don't like the kid, but he's the mystical macguffin in the cast (as opposed to every other plot item?) so he'll live as long as there's no plot. I think he'll basically become a talking detour sign plastered over all the plot holes, and then turn out to be an alien or something.

And we're back to the suits

Jin Kwon (Hawaii Five-O) - Is he in the mafia? Is he not? I thought we'd be debating this for seasons, but they made it very simple, he's not. Also, they're teaching him English, so he'll be fluent in...a week? He's having a trial separation from his wife currently, because he got on the raft off the island without her. Because...drama?

She has this look for most of the season

Sun Kwon (Mrs. Five-O) - Mrs. Five-O's big secret is that she speaks English. oooOOOOooo. Is there a secret love triangle with Bad Dad? Not unless it's convenient. They really don't give her much to work with, and whenever they spend time on her and HFO's past, they make sure to counter it by not showing either of them for 3 episodes.

Prediction: They both ironically die saving each other.

No clue what she's resting her hand on

Claire (Doesn'tGetPregnancy/Parenting Girl) - Is the only "native" from Australia, though the accent wanders around from time to time. Really doesn't get being pregnant. Went through a lot and then had the kid. Now she really doesn't get parenting. Of course, she has 39 other random strangers to tell her how to "not shake baby" and "keep baby fed". But they insist on diapers, which is mind-blowingly wasteful. I'm certain her baby will get stolen at least once next season.

Prediction: It turns out that the baby...IS HER!!!

Covered in BEEEEEEEEES

Charlie (Noel Underhill) -The on again/off again drug addict bass player loves him some DGPG and the baby. He'll do anything for them, including randomly getting hung to death and brought back to life. A fun guy to have around, because he adds to whatever scenes he's in. It'll be sad when he dies again.

Prediction: Spends two or three seasons randomly dying and doing drugs. I'm betting he does drugs and almost dies, Claire leaves him for almost dying, then he goes off and dies trying to save her to win her back, but he's dead. Yea, dead.

Final Thoughts

LOST has the problem of being all too interesting to ignore, and all too insanely stupid to follow. I can't imagine how this lasted from season to season, but I'm also retroactively not surprised it was such a big deal. I still think this is all some dream, but I could definitely see a Truman Show style ending for Dr. J. In fact, I'd be OK with that. I guess we'll find out.

24 down, 93 to go!