Oldboy

Floro's Late To The Party Reviews - Oldboy

First and foremost, if you view this blog as a list of potential recommendations, Oldboy has instantaneously leaped to the top, with a few specific caveats that I'll cover shortly. I was nailed to my seat immediately. I felt this movie for hours after watching it. I put on the Butler/Marquette basketball game (I don't care about non-Cuse NCAA basketball) just to have something mindless on to distract my brain enough so I could process important tasks like feeding the cats and dogs.

How about food now.

The caveats:

1) It's foreign. Korean, specifically. The version I saw was dubbed, and that worked quite well for me. Some people believe "dub" should only be followed by "step". Those people are wrong in this instance, but if you're one of them...get over it. You are wrong. Watch the movie.

2) I saw it on Netflix Instant. I saw it now because there is an expiration date on seeing it this way. April 1st to be specific. That's not much time, and I knew I needed to see it (Big thanks to Aaron for the recommendation). Now you know too. Hurry up. Watch the movie.

3) I was not aware that Spike Lee is putting out a remake this year starring The Samuel L. Jackson. I want to believe that they can pull this off. I don't think they will, if for nothing else because they won't be allowed to. I was also not aware this was somewhat based on a manga. I understand it's not quite the same. See the Korean version. Watch the movie.

4) Oldboy is abundantly demented. Not like the rash of tortureporn like "The Human Millipede has Eyes in the Hills of a Hostel: Saw 72". No, this is a different kind of demented. It calls Hitchcock's brand of implied horror, but it doesn't shy away from violence. The movie is directed expertly to ratchet up the tension gradually, while putting you and the characters through barely fathomable levels of mental anguish. Relentlessly unforgiving, astoundingly twisted, and powerfully human in its own ways. This movie is not for everyone. I mean it. Now that you have a warning, you can make your choice. I chose to watch it, and I recommend that you do the same, IF you're willing to go through something this intense and disturbing.

Dinner and minimal short term memory helped her get over it pretty quickly

What's so intense and disturbing? Our protagonist (I'm not willing to calling "hero"), Oh Dae-Su, starts out drunk in a police station on the night of his daughter's birthday. His friend bails him out, and on the way home they stop at a pay phone to call his daughter. After ODS let's his friend on the phone, he is kidnapped and locked in a room.

No one talks to him. No one tells him why. No one tells him how long he'll be a captive. No one lets him die. No one lets him kill himself. He gets framed for his wife's murder, and eventually forgotten. Then, one day, fifteen years later, he is randomly and inexplicably set free. This is actually the beginning of his torment. That's right, 15 years of unexplained solitary confinement is not the beginning of his torment.

His all consuming quest for revenge and an explanation lead him to a cute girl at a sushi bar that he shares an oddly familiar connection with. This connection leads them to a relationship as she joins in his search, but I am going to take a moment to talk about their first meeting.

ODS sits at the sushi bar, and demands to eat something that's still alive. I guess 15 years of fried dumplings (the only meal they serve in no reason prison) combined with 15 years of desired vengeance does that to a person. He is served live octopus. It is a real live octopus. They did 4 takes. Choi Min-Sik (actor that plays ODS) said a Buddhist prayer for each real live octopus he ate live, for real. The take they used is the most viscerally stark contrasts between life and death I have seen in cinema...well ever, I think. Closest moment I can come to is the death scene in American Beauty up until the kid says "wow" 3 minutes after you already did out loud.

Not a spoiler, the movie opens with him saying he's going to die.

Eventually Oh Dae Su makes progress in tracking down his captors. With the help of his trusty hammer, he takes important steps to get closer to solving the mystery.

The hammer has more screen time than some of the supporting characters.

Then things get even worse. We, along with the characters, start to discover why this all happened. And we learn that we would have been better off not knowing. I am not going to say any more towards the plot. I had a strong guess on one of the twists relatively early. No way do you see everything coming. And as it twists and turns, so does our protagonist. It plunges into the depths of what one person can handle, and pulls out a dark insanity that can't be put back.

The direction is amazing. I had to debate myself out of tracking down the soundtrack, which was an outstanding series orchestral tunes. The performance put on by Choi Min-Sik is of a rare class, and deserves the Oscar for that year (which is currently held by Sean Penn for Mystic River...until I can change that mistake). If this film were not as intense, unsettling, and if it came from a country that America would consider as "having a film industry", it would have ruined the "I guess we owe them" year at the Oscars for Return of the King.

I don't think the Spike Lee/The Samuel L. Jackson version is going to plumb the same depths, or cause that much havoc. I think they're going to wuss out when it comes to ruining a person in every way possible on film. It might all work out to be a decent movie by itself. I want to believe that The Samuel L Jackson can act the range needed to do the original justice, let alone match it. I will definitely watch it, but my hopes are low.

You should know yourself well enough to know whether or not you can watch this movie. If you can handle the premise, and are somewhat prepared for the outcome, do yourself a favor - Watch the original movie. If you miss the Netflix Instant window, track it down. Plan time after to sit quietly, or go for a nice walk. You'll need it.

MacGruber

Floro's late to the party review - MacGruber  

 

Will Forte and Kristen Wiig effectively end Ryan Phillippe's career alongside an enjoyably aware Val Kilmer and a well placed piece of celery. If you aren't one of my 7 friends that would've seen and enjoyed this movie already, you probably should not see this movie ever. That said, there's a lot of fun (for me) to be had in this extremely obscene spin off of a tiny SNL skit.

This is Jorma Taccone's debut into film directing. You likely know Taccone as one-third of the comedy team Lonely Island and their work as the princes of Digital Shorts. He directed the MacGruber skits on SNL, and he definitely earned his chance to move it to the big screen. This film was destined to break even at best, and I think Taccone helped (more than hurt) the movie's chances of pulling that off.

Seriously though, what happened to Ryan Phillippe? I mean I Know What You Did Last Summer was 1997, Cruel Intentions happened in 1999, and by 2004 his name was being published wrong in the credits of "Best Picture of 2004" Crash (or as I call it, "RACISM COINCIDENCES"). Don't tell me he meant to spell his name "Phillipe", he was 15 people below Chris "Ludacris" Bridges in billing.

Mr. Bridges gets face space on the poster. Also I hated this movie.

Maybe Phillippe hit his ceiling early, and found his spot as "12th billed police officer that makes you say Hey...wasn't he in...things?". He certainly got paid way more than I do to read the lines well enough that Will Forte can just ad-lib insanity, and they got enough takes to put together a movie. He just didn't add anything to this movie.

I think that's the bottom line for this movie. "Just didn't add anything". Wiig is great in the 3 scenes they really utilize her, and Forte continues to find ways to crack me up with his brand of craziness. He will say just about anything wearing just about anything surrounded by anything, and that can lend itself to some things that I find hilarious (see also: 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother). Kilmer is really collecting a check in this movie. He provides a few brief moments of interesting, and made me kind of wish it was someone more predictably unpredictable, like Steven Seagal or Gary Busey, in the rest. Not that there's a lot of source material to work from, but even the leads really just didn't add anything.

Sufficiently ridiculous throughout, and Will Forte should scream like a lunatic in more things. Not enough explosions, but enough jaguar sounds with the few there were. The team of WWE wrestlers they borrowed were all surprisingly great. The praise of "Best SNL movie since Wayne's World" may be deserved, but that's a low bar to clear. I think the best stuff happened early. The rest, like MacGruber's plans, they just kinda saw what happened. Glad I watched it - once.

Magic Mike

Floro's Late to the Bachelorette Party Reviews: Magic Mike

As a part of my wife's birthday evening, I presented her with a choice of movies she would want to watch, but I would not. We could watch her recently acquired Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 - "I guess we can make up a part 2?" OR Magic Mike - "Striptease for women written and directed by men." I am a fantastic husband.

Before we get to the main event, seeing Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 in the theatre was the best thing to happen to the series since the end credits of the first movie used Radiohead's "15 Step", and I got to go home and ponder what portion the next few years of my life would involve sparkly vampires. I write this because the experience of hearing the reactions throughout a crowd of variously aged women reacting to the movie in increasing volume was worth the previous movie-and-a-half's admission for me and my wife. Things happen that "can NOT happen" according to 3 squadillion women everywhere, and the reactions were priceless. It almost made me forget that they didn't have any Anna Kendrick. Almost. Knowing these would be missing from all subsequent viewings, I still completed the collection and volunteered to re-watch it with my wife for her birthday. I am a fantastic husband.

My wife is a fantastic wife because she chose a half dozen topless dancing men instead of a pack of emotionless CGI stand-ins.

This is the best actor in TBD Part 2

Lastly, I am not comfortable with the phrase "I'm comfortable with my sexuality". All the guys you are saying this to are gonna call you names anyways, and it's a lot like saying "I'm not racist, but...". I am comfortable with this: The guys in this movie are impressively built. Gentlemen, before you start the insults, ask yourself this question: Did I see 300? Because if you did, you saw 50 times as many beefy, greasy guys huddled next to each other wearing less clothes for a longer period of time, and you probably enjoyed it. Yes, Magic Mike has 1 awkward instance of on-screen wang that may or may not have been real. There was a surprising larger quantity of naked women and drug induced party sex to balance it out for all the heterosexual males.

I have no problem saying the guys in both movies are jacked. They are paid professionals playing characters that require them to step up their paid-to-be-jacked game even more. Pay me that much and give me a professional trainer, I'll put "The Situation Pose" pics up on the internet myself.

Just ask for my forwarding address for the check.

So, the movie. Channing Tatum plays Mike, a construction worker/entrepreneur/male stripper with a heart of gold. He works for Dallas, which is Matthew McConaughey in a vest. Tatum comes across and brings Adam "The Kid" into the business because...plot? Adam is played by I Am Number Four's Alex Pettfer. They are joined by "Marshall's hot lawyer friend Brad" from How I Met Your Mother, the "Hot Cop Eric Delko" from CSI:Miami, the "Main Character" from USA network's attempt to use the Dexter formula show called White Collar, Diesel from the WWF, and comedian playing a drug dealer DJ without jokes for some reason Gabriel Iglesias. Olivia Munn stops by to take her top off because she was in between seasons for HBO's The Newsroom or something.

Yes, you read that correctly. Diesel aka Kevin Nash is in it. His character is called "Tarzan"

In retrospect, we shouldn't be surprised

All of the acting comes from the collection of cable television back up dancers. Tatum has a fair amount of life history to pull from , and I don't think they actually wrote him dialogue. It works well because he can just half finish sentences, and no one cares. I'm not convinced McConaughey even knew he was filming, considering the naked bongo stories we've all heard. Pettyfer is not called on to do much more than "not shave too much". Iglesias is misplaced, but at least he's working. The rest of the "kings of Tampa" are actually being characters, and their limited interactions were more interesting than the rest of the movie combined.

The movie happens. Things might work out, then they don't, and then they kinda do. At least as much as you would expect from a Soderbergh film. He does a decent job directing this, but I had no idea why he signed on. Then I looked him up on IMDB, and saw that his last hit, critically acclaimed or otherwise, was a over decade ago. Oh.

Put simply, you aren't watching this for the plot, the character development, or the cinematography. Maybe the soundtrack, if you need to hear a dub-step remix of "It's Rainin' Men". You are watching it because you are a fantastic significant other scoring TONS of points, or you want to see Channing Tatum and a pack of beefcakes dance for your entertainment without the filth of a real strip club. You will get your wrinkled g-string dollar's worth either way.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Floro's Surprisingly Late To The Party - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...the book?

I know what you're likely thinking. "Floro, you had to have read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You're a HUGE nerd! You were one of those kids that had memorized Monty Python and the Holy Grail in 10th grade. You obviously read this book, enjoyed it, and have been quoting it for more than a decade. I know you have not commited such blasphemy!"

You would be wrong.

"Floro! Then you must have read the book before you saw the movie starring Martin "The Watson-Hobbit" Freeman, Mos Def, and Zooey Deschanel before she could be hipster cool. It would be completely insane for someone of your librarianistic upbringing to watch such a literary standard before actually reading it. It would be almost as unbelievable as that word you I just made up. For crying out loud, your writing seems to be influenced by it at times!"

You would still be wrong.

By pure coincidence, I finished the book just this past weekend, in the year 2013, shortly before Douglas Adams' birthday of March 11. I was not aware of the relevance, and can only assume that some cosmic force willed this to happen in some relation to the number 42. I have the "ultimate" collection on my Nook which has all 5 of Adams' books in his trilogy. I am thoroughly enjoying it and I am disappointed in the rest of the world for not Clockwork-Oranging me into reading it earlier. But I forgive you, rest of the world. You didn't know.

The book, just The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, surprised me with how short it was. I was not at all surprised at how quickly the voice in my head started reading the book as Eric Idle reading the news.

And he is this young while it happens

Which is extremely odd considering my first "reading" was done with the perfectly cast narration of Stephen Fry during the 2005 movie.

He shouldn't be this surprised. He's quite good.

Some brief research tells me that Mr. Fry was one of the hardest people to cast, and that Adams was very particular about who played the book, and who played Arthur Dent. Credit to Marcia Ross for picking "Elementary Dr. Bilbo" Martin Freeman. 

I think now would be an excellent time to point out that the movie was written primarily by Adams, puppeteered (not CGI'd) by Jim Henson's Creature Shop, and they pulled the obvious choice for Marvin the Paranoid Android in the incomparable Alan Rickman.

So while I'm substantially late to the party on the book, I discovered I was right on time for the movie, and it's a great ride. I keep writing about the casting, and that's purely because it's phenomenal. Between that and the cult classic writing, you have a solid movie based off of a book. I also retroactively appreciate that this bookmovie had the author involved in the writing, if for nothing else, it showed me that I never need to read a single word of the Twilight Series after having seen all 5 of the "movies".

 Even with the sarcastiquotes, I still net positive points with my wife with this picture.

I'm not going to go so far to say that the movie deserves the same cult following as the rest of The Guide's world. It doesn't. The additional character development scenes and detours, while fun, are slow and don't make a ton of difference in the end. While I future liked it when I was actually reading the book, we probably could've done without. The movie just sort of trails off leaving you with that kind of "huh. time to leave now" feeling. There's a lot to appreciate about Adams' zany universe and the way it is presented on screen. The ensemble each own their characters, save for maybe Zooey, but it's hard to tell with that one. If you haven't already, watch the movie. If you haven't also already, read the book. You can do it in either order, just so long as you don't panic.

The Other Guys

Floro's late to the party Movie reviews - The Other Guys 

"Anchorman" Will Ferrell and "Marky" Mark Wahlberg team up in a buddy cop "movie", while Derek Jeter gets second billing for his extended cameo. That alone should tell you a fair amount about the movie. Plot-wise there's the super action hero cops, played expertly by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Samuel "L" Jackson, and then there's The Other Guys. We are also joined by Eva Mendes and Michael Keaton, both equally fun for very different reasons.

This "movie" is really more a collection of themed improv skits. So basically, every Will Ferrell movie since Anchorman. The Other Guys does not have any resemblance of a plot to try and hold everything together.

If you IMDB Will Ferrell, it told me that he's known for Anchorman, Step Brothers, Talladega Nights, and The Other Guys. Depending on the day, I might swap Step Brothers and Talladega Nights, but these are his top 4 Will Ferrell movies. This is not to ignore his other hits, or to compare them to his noteable failures, but rather to try and put The Other Guys in a category that describes what you're getting. Credit to Will Ferrell for leaving me with no other term than himself.

WIll Ferrell can also be a noun for his own cameos

Here's the recommendation: If you liked the other 3 of his top 4 him movies, finish up the list and see this (and then maybe get drunk and watch Casa de mi Padre on Netflix). If extremely random things said by Will Ferrell and some other actors doesn't appeal to you, this will be a living nightmare for you. There is no middle ground with Will Ferrell. The same goes for The Other Guys.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (English Version)

Fashionably Late to the After Party Movie Reviews - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (English Version) - Daniel Craig plays his weakest male of his career alongside Rooney Mara, of the New York Football Giants' family. This movie, based off the book by the same name, is intentionally hard on everyone. Combine the screwed up world of Criminal Minds with the screwed up world of Law and Order: SVU, put it on HBO after hours and also add Nazis. You might be close to the truly demented world of Sweden. Apparently, the book's original title directly translated is "Men who hate women". The amount of hype/buzz/taboo about Steig Larsson's creation combined with the opportunity to cheaply watch it at home with no other audience but my pets lead me to this viewing. Also, I'm always keeping an eye out for more book series to Nook.

I'm not going to ruin the plot, but you need to know going into it just how messed up it is. The Nazis are the nicest part. Plot devices include brutal murders, violent rape, and torture. The movie doesn't shy away from it, and I bet the book is worse. Yes, I watched this without reading the book. I did my research on the internets to have a clue for what I was getting in to. So no, this will not be a comparison to the book, nor do I want it to be.

Instead, I want to open by giving a lot of credit to David Fincher, the director. He has a way of making the environment and the atmosphere surround and pressure the audience, and it amps up the tension to impressive levels. "Support your work Chris?" Don't mind if I do! Fincher also directed Panic Room. The bad guy in that movie wasn't Jared "30 Seconds to the end of his movie career" Leto, or Forest Whitaker's multi-directional glare, or even young Kristen Stewart's only performance that could be considered acting. It was the Room itself. You felt the panic of the room (see what I did there?) because it was the oppressive obstacle to our heroes' freedom.

Seriously, KStew peaked early

So in TGWTDT, Fincher once again shows his mastery of closed doors, narrowing hallways, exitless rooms, and suffocating silence. The source material will (and should) make you uncomfortable. The added weight of Fincher's direction and cinematography will make you feel it physically. It's fantastic and traumatizing all at once. There are multiple "What. Woah. Ohhhhhh Shit." moments that leave alasting mark. 

Secondly, Fincher's pacing feels like you are working through a book. I really appreciated this slow read...to a point. The last half hour or so is largely wrapping up various points that could've been left out of the film, or at least cut down. Not bad, but by that point I just wanted credits and a stiff drink.

Daniel Craig is certainly present and passable, but he doesn't quite fit the character he's trying to portray. He felt like he wanted to go back to wearing a tux and shooting guns, but had to keep remembering "cardigan" and "no". It certainly doesn't help that Ms. Football McFootball (FYI - "Rooney" as in Steelers organization Rooney? Also related) is extremely solid. Lisbeth Salander is beyond the category of damaged goods. Mara does a great job of being a shell of a person, with a deep hidden interior and a unique accent. She also is scarily believable in the abuse she takes, and what she does as a result. While I wasn't always captivated by her, she was extremely good. 

I've had a lot to say on this version of the movie, and that's probably because it made me feel. It is a twisted, horrific, dark piece of work, that I have a hard time not calling art in some form. It forces you to feel a broad range of uncomfortable emotions. Still, I expect people that subjected themselves to the book will find myraid flaws with the movie. I say that, because I have no interest in reading the book series, and it will be a challenging decision to see any of the subsequent movies (or Danish versions, even with the chance to compare Noomi "That Surgery Scene In Prometheus" Rapace ). I imagine the books are a step beyond in every direction, and that the next movie will work to top Dragon Tattoo, or give us more of the horrendous tragedies inflicted on the characters. I'm not sure that I need that in my life. I'm also sure that the movie gives a perfectly serviceable telling, but I completely understand fanboyism (Half Blood Prince was unacceptable, and everyone involved with the decision making should be rolledupinacarpetandthrownoffabridge).

I'll close with this: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a slow moving, tense, violent and abusive movie that doesn't look for your comfort or forgiveness. Watch it at your own risk. If you are willing to bravely cross the velvet rope after knowing some of what you're getting, I think you will appreciate the experience. Just remember, the velvet rope is there for a reason, and it is okay to stay in line for something else.