Magic Mike

Floro's Late to the Bachelorette Party Reviews: Magic Mike

As a part of my wife's birthday evening, I presented her with a choice of movies she would want to watch, but I would not. We could watch her recently acquired Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 - "I guess we can make up a part 2?" OR Magic Mike - "Striptease for women written and directed by men." I am a fantastic husband.

Before we get to the main event, seeing Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 in the theatre was the best thing to happen to the series since the end credits of the first movie used Radiohead's "15 Step", and I got to go home and ponder what portion the next few years of my life would involve sparkly vampires. I write this because the experience of hearing the reactions throughout a crowd of variously aged women reacting to the movie in increasing volume was worth the previous movie-and-a-half's admission for me and my wife. Things happen that "can NOT happen" according to 3 squadillion women everywhere, and the reactions were priceless. It almost made me forget that they didn't have any Anna Kendrick. Almost. Knowing these would be missing from all subsequent viewings, I still completed the collection and volunteered to re-watch it with my wife for her birthday. I am a fantastic husband.

My wife is a fantastic wife because she chose a half dozen topless dancing men instead of a pack of emotionless CGI stand-ins.

This is the best actor in TBD Part 2

Lastly, I am not comfortable with the phrase "I'm comfortable with my sexuality". All the guys you are saying this to are gonna call you names anyways, and it's a lot like saying "I'm not racist, but...". I am comfortable with this: The guys in this movie are impressively built. Gentlemen, before you start the insults, ask yourself this question: Did I see 300? Because if you did, you saw 50 times as many beefy, greasy guys huddled next to each other wearing less clothes for a longer period of time, and you probably enjoyed it. Yes, Magic Mike has 1 awkward instance of on-screen wang that may or may not have been real. There was a surprising larger quantity of naked women and drug induced party sex to balance it out for all the heterosexual males.

I have no problem saying the guys in both movies are jacked. They are paid professionals playing characters that require them to step up their paid-to-be-jacked game even more. Pay me that much and give me a professional trainer, I'll put "The Situation Pose" pics up on the internet myself.

Just ask for my forwarding address for the check.

So, the movie. Channing Tatum plays Mike, a construction worker/entrepreneur/male stripper with a heart of gold. He works for Dallas, which is Matthew McConaughey in a vest. Tatum comes across and brings Adam "The Kid" into the business because...plot? Adam is played by I Am Number Four's Alex Pettfer. They are joined by "Marshall's hot lawyer friend Brad" from How I Met Your Mother, the "Hot Cop Eric Delko" from CSI:Miami, the "Main Character" from USA network's attempt to use the Dexter formula show called White Collar, Diesel from the WWF, and comedian playing a drug dealer DJ without jokes for some reason Gabriel Iglesias. Olivia Munn stops by to take her top off because she was in between seasons for HBO's The Newsroom or something.

Yes, you read that correctly. Diesel aka Kevin Nash is in it. His character is called "Tarzan"

In retrospect, we shouldn't be surprised

All of the acting comes from the collection of cable television back up dancers. Tatum has a fair amount of life history to pull from , and I don't think they actually wrote him dialogue. It works well because he can just half finish sentences, and no one cares. I'm not convinced McConaughey even knew he was filming, considering the naked bongo stories we've all heard. Pettyfer is not called on to do much more than "not shave too much". Iglesias is misplaced, but at least he's working. The rest of the "kings of Tampa" are actually being characters, and their limited interactions were more interesting than the rest of the movie combined.

The movie happens. Things might work out, then they don't, and then they kinda do. At least as much as you would expect from a Soderbergh film. He does a decent job directing this, but I had no idea why he signed on. Then I looked him up on IMDB, and saw that his last hit, critically acclaimed or otherwise, was a over decade ago. Oh.

Put simply, you aren't watching this for the plot, the character development, or the cinematography. Maybe the soundtrack, if you need to hear a dub-step remix of "It's Rainin' Men". You are watching it because you are a fantastic significant other scoring TONS of points, or you want to see Channing Tatum and a pack of beefcakes dance for your entertainment without the filth of a real strip club. You will get your wrinkled g-string dollar's worth either way.