10 things that happened on LOST season 1 episodes 6-12

Floro's Late to the Party Reviews - LOST season 1 ep 6-12

It's been a while since I've put up any new anything on...well anything. For why I was on hiatus, check here.

It doesn't mean I've given up on my quest to catch up to the rest of the LOSTrailians and the year 2005. In fact, the last stack of episodes were extremely character specific, and therefore will be summed up quickly in whatever manner I remember them. Ready...go!

1) Episode 7 surprised me at the end, because it was written by Paul Dini (at least in part)! I have to assume that he's an Oasis fan and now I have so much more respect for him. I didn't even know that was possible.

Turns out the Hobbit is actually Noel Gallagher of Oasis and it's not even subtle. There's an entire episode of him coming to grips with being a drug addict rock star with a brother who thinks he's better than Noel. Also Noel writes all the songs and hates his brother for being the more popular lead singer. ALSO THEY NAMED THE BROTHER LIAM.

He even kinda looks like Liam, if Liam were to become a sober accountant in New Hampshire.

So What's the Story? Professor X tells Oasis Hobbit aka Noel Underhill (see what I did there?) that it's time to Dig Out Your Soul. Prof X will deny Noel a dime bag 3 times so that Noel will decide to Be Here Now. Some how, that will cure him of his addiction permanently through some kind of Heathen Chemistry. And of course, Noel overcomes it by Standing on the Shoulder of Giants. But in this show that is Familiar to Millions, Don't Believe the Truth.

I think that's all of them. Definitely Maybe. I'm disappointed that I did this and Abrams & Co. didn't. Maybe it's all part of The Masterplan? I'm done. Stop the Clocks.

 2) Hurley builds a golf course that is immediately forgotten forever during the end credits. Hooray for Hurley!

3) Sayid and Dr. J torture Sawyer because he...knows something that might save someone else...I think it had to do with medicine. That was it! Taken Girl had asthma for an episode. And I think by the end X cured her of that too? Maybe it was Dr. J? Whoever cured her breathing problems with breathing, it wasn't that important and it was laughably dumb. Next I expect someone to have lung cancer, and a random star cures it by smoking all of the cigarettes on the island.
Anyways, the important part was our "heroes" deciding to torture the "villain". And the "villain" turns out to just be a misunderstood ass hat, who still sucks.

Gonna take a lot more than this awkward scene for me to care about Sawyer. Sorry ladies.

Because of this, Sayid decides to run away forever like a 9 year old. No one seems to mind. It's not like he could take the Stretch Armstrong.

4) Sayid is captured by some crazy-ass Frenchwoman scientist who tortures him for answers to prompt his flashbacks until he fixes a music box. Then we learn that Crazy Jane Austen(scientist, jungle, go with me) tells him that she went all murdertown on everyone she hung out with. This is justified because...wait for it...the PolarBearT-Rex might actually just be a cloud of death spores! Or a crazy mental illness! Or Zombie Cancer! That is, until we hear more roars in the jungle, and Sayid escapes.

This is the moment he realized he didn't feel sore from his torture anymore

5) Sawyer gets his flashback episode, (which is apparently part of the Sayid Tortures An Ass Hat episode) in which we find out he is a giant douche AND a con man. Only then we find out he's just a misunderstood ass hat, who still sucks. "I became what I hate?" Come on. Booooooooo.

6) Hawaii Five-O and wife can't speak English....until she CAN! Also their marriage is in shambles because of...business ninjas? It seemed like a bit of that and "you're married to your job". But they were going to get back together, so it would've been OK if they didn't crash. Also, the Only Black Guy gets his ass kicked over a watch. I'm not convinced he serves any other purpose than to take a beating and be a terrible role model for the kid. Much like Sawyer is there to be a misunderstood ass hat and a giant purse. He just happens to have exactly everything someone needs at that exact time? No one else anywhere picked up anything useful at all? Whatever.

Misunderstood. Purse-like qualities. Occasionally shirtless? Think I get why the ladies like him.

7) Across several episodes, a bunch of people move into the caves of infinite water. No wars have broken out between camps as of yet, but it does make for an excellent excuse to not speak to 75% of the cast in any given episode.

8) Episode 11 was so insane, it has been granted a separate post. I've set it up here.

9) Kate gets an episode to remind us she can stand around in her underwear(to go swimming). That leads to her finding a case that holds her secret past. Her secret past of that one time where she was being a bank robber who conned bank robbers to get to a secret deposit box that held the key to her secret past. Inside the secret deposit box is? A secret envelope!

We learn that Kate killed someone who she probably loved, and kept his toy airplane. In an envelope, in a suitcase, in a deposit box, in a bank (in the hole in the bottom of the sea).  Also guns and bullets, which I'm sure will end up all over the place later. That said, if this plane ends up being named St. Elsewhere, I'm gonna break something.

I don't care how hot you are. If the island is contained in that plane, we can't be friends. OK that might be a lie.

10) And last, but certainly not least, we see more of my favorite character to date, Jack's dad. Sadly, this was the part of the story where we learned why Dr. J is so torn up about his dad. J kicked his dad out of a surgery because of drinking, and then a patient died. So Dr. J was going to turn Dr. Dad in. Then he wasn't. Then he did it anyways! So now Dr. J blames himself for Dr. Dad drinking himself to death, and we missed an opportunity for some great Dr. Dad insults like "Go ask your mommy to tie up your scrub pants for you like a big boy, while I drink scotch and take out this jackwagon's appendix. Like a man. A man who wins. Except at having a useful son. But you can't win 'em all, Jack. You can't [drink] win 'em all. [evil eye over rocks glass while drinking the rest]" Bring back the Dr. Dad I like so much, 2005 J.J.Abrams!

Wow. What amazes me most about these episodes is that we barely went anywhere. We have caves that explain the water situation. We have some history on a bunch of the main characters, but no one's died or accomplished anything. Based on the near decade's worth of LOST wannabe's, I'm expecting we won't get anywhere in terms of an overall plot for another 45 episodes. I'm 10% of the way through!