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Floro's Late To The Party Reviews - Haywire

Former MMA star and American Gladiator Gina Carano attempts to break into Hollywood in this twisty spy game action failure by getting the snot beat out of her, and then punting grown stunt men across the room head first. The decision to not bother with any kind of fight damage make up was an interesting choice, and I hope it was the difference in getting the budget approved. Make no mistake, they really tried to make this into a major hit. They just missed by a long shot.

First, the studio/producers got writer Lem Dobbs, who did the screnplay for The Score (which I loved) and Dark City, (which I've heard good things). They teamed him up with Oscar Winning, recently irrelevant director Steven Soderbergh (Magic Mike, Traffic, Ocean's reboot triology). Together, they combined to make a silent film. This causes problems when you're looking to make an intriguing spy thriller, as dialogue tends to be critical for the audience to grasp the plot and be fooled by the twists. I hope the money they saved on script paper and ink was the difference in getting the budget approved. Also, there's practically no music. Music enhances scenes to allow for stark contrasts between "moving action" and "jarring stationary beatdowns". I think there was more music in Drive.

If it's any consolation, the song is in my head too

Then, they called in every favor they could to get actors for a weekend shoot. Seriously, compared to what you would expect, nearly everyone ever is in this movie. But I guess with all the money they saved on ink, music, paper, and make up had to go somewhere?

The following people are actually in this movie, all of whom made me say "OH! it's that guy!" before remembering their name because they probably shouldn't have been here.

Channing "I wasn't shooting 4 movies this weekend" Tatum

Max "Krazy-8 from Breaking Bad, yo" Arciniega

Ewan "2011 was a slow year" McGregor

Michael "I thought this was a James Bond screentest" Fassbender

Mathieu "The love interest guy from Amelie" Kassovitz

Antonio "I don't have to shave, right?" Banderas

Michael "That kid from all those things!" Angarano

Michael "I landed Catherine Zeta-Jones, I do what I want!" Douglas

and

Bill Fucking Paxton

No caption needed

Gina Carano does a fine job without having a lot of lines to deliver. Here's what I didn't get about how they used her for this film. She is good looking, but they keep nearly everything but her face covered for the bulk of the movie. She can kick the crap out of people, but they use most of the movie to have her travel places or hide.

The fight scenes are vicious. Probably because Gina Carano can actually take a beating and dish one out. I really hope that they take those good things, and then get Jason Statham to do well budgeted action beat down with Carano. Just not as Transporter 6.

In conclusion, you can skip this movie. Unless you want to see Gina Carano traingle choke the living hell out of Michael Fassbender, or armbar Channing Tatum, or kick people across a room. Sounds like it would be awesome when I put it that way, right? Just filling in all the remaining 82 minutes in between with a poorly shot silent movie with no plot or point.